As babies transition into toddlers, it’s common to notice a drastic change in their eating habits. Suddenly, you find yourself thinking, “Wait, what? They used to love this food as a baby—why are they refusing it now?”
This shift can be confusing and frustrating for parents, but it’s actually a natural part of a child’s development.
Understanding the Division of Responsibility framework can help create a more positive mealtime experience while respecting your child’s evolving appetite and autonomy.
Between the ages of 2 and 6, a child’s growth rate slows significantly compared to the rapid development seen in their first two years.
What does this mean?
This means their nutritional needs naturally decrease, often leading to a noticeable drop in appetite. Instead of seeing this as a problem, it’s important to trust their internal hunger cues and focus on providing a variety of balanced, nutrient-dense foods without pressure.
By respecting a child’s ability to regulate their own intake while maintaining structure and consistency in meal offerings, caregivers can foster a healthy and stress-free approach to eating. This supports long-term well-being for your child as they mature.
What can it mean if your child is refusing food?
Research shows that children between the ages of 2 and 5 often go through a phase of increased food refusal. This means that biological and physiological factors may be contributing to this behavior.
There’s even a term for it—it’s called food neophobia.
Food neophobia is defined as the fear of trying and exploring new foods (or foods that do not seem familiar or recognizable).
It can even happen with foods that were once their favorites as babies.
From a biological perspective, some theories suggest that young children develop food neophobia as a protective mechanism to “minimize the risk of eating harmful foods.”
At this stage, children also have a natural need to assert their bodily autonomy—often accompanied by the word “no.” When combined with food neophobia, this can lead to new challenges during mealtimes, creating situations that are completely different from when they were babies.
During this period, a child’s eating behavior can be unpredictable. It may change from one day to the next or even from one meal to another. If parents or caregivers don’t recognize this as a temporary phase and react too harshly, these behaviors can develop into real eating difficulties that persist beyond just a phase.
How the Division of Responsibility comes into play
The good news is that there is a well-established guide to pediatric feeding practices developed by nutritionist Ellyn Satter. It provides strategies to reduce mealtime stress and support children in eating according to their body’s needs.
This approach is called the Division of Responsibility, and it helps clarify the caregiver’s role versus the child’s role in feeding. Understanding this distinction can create a more peaceful mealtime environment and encourage healthy eating habits over time.
When roles are clearly defined, everyone can enjoy mealtimes and explore food together as a family.
Your responsibility at mealtime:
- Deciding when the meal is served.
- Deciding what is served.
- Deciding where the meal takes place.
Your child’s responsibility at mealtime:
- Deciding how much to eat.
The Division of Responsibility helps you teach children to eat the foods the family normally eats, without having to rush to prepare a separate “special meal” just because something on the menu wasn’t to their liking.
Your role as a caregiver in the Division of Responsibility
1. Establish a mealtime routine.
Children benefit from routine. Having a predictable schedule for meals and snacks allows them to know that there will be other opportunities to eat later if they’re not hungry during a meal.
Allowing 2 to 4 hours between meals gives your child the chance to feel hunger and arrive at the next meal ready to eat.
If the child has eaten “more than usual” at a meal, it may take longer than usual for them to show interest in the next meal. On the other hand, if they didn’t eat at the previous meal (except in cases of pain, discomfort, or illness), hunger may come a little earlier than usual.
Remember, schedules can be flexible. Children feel safe and secure when they have a consistent routine of predictable meals. However, the times need to be similar, not fixed and rigid. Adjustments can be made when necessary.
You may like to read: 3 tips for mealtime routines
2. Plan a menu.
Plan to serve a variety of foods that includes both favorites and new foods to offer.
Ideally, the goal is for your child to eat the same foods as the rest of the family, while also maintaining curiosity about new foods.
TIP: Serve one favorite food, one food they almost always like (at least 50% of the time), and one “new” food.
Read more about this in the BLW Meals app guide “How to Build a Plate.”
3. Decide where meals are served.
Try to keep meals away from distractions, such as TV or tablets, which can lead to more mindless eating and disconnect the child from their hunger and satiety signals.
Think about whether there are differences in how your little one eats when changing their seating arrangement at the table, offering a lower table that’s more accessible to them, or even having meals in other areas of the house (on the porch or with a blanket on the floor, like a picnic).
Your child’s role in the Division of Responsibility
1. Decide if they are going to eat what you offered.
This can be easier said than done, especially when dealing with picky eating. However, to help children develop a healthy relationship with food, it’s crucial to allow them to decide whether or not to eat the food you offer.
This process teaches them about autonomy and helps them tune in to their hunger and fullness cues.
Remember: you’re providing multiple opportunities to eat throughout the day, and they’ll have other chances to try again!
You may like to read: Why the clear your plate mentality is harmful
2. Decide how much they are going to eat.
To preserve their ability to listen to their bodies and eat intuitively, it’s necessary to allow children to refuse to eat the offered food if they’re not hungry.
It’s also important to allow them to eat more if they’re still hungry (as long as there’s more food available).
Children’s food intake can vary from one meal to the next, which is completely normal. It’s important not to focus solely on individual meals, as children typically meet their nutritional needs over the course of several days.
If we are okay serving a food, we also need to be okay with whether or not a child decides to eat it. This means avoiding bribing, rewarding, or praising the amount they eat.
Two things to always keep in mind about the Division of Responsibility:
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The tips in this article should align with a healthy family eating routine. The way parents eat plays a fundamental role in shaping their children’s eating behaviors.
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Generally, the more neophobic a child is, the more parents tend to use persuasion, rewards, conditions, and special meal preparations. However, the more pressure we apply, the less enjoyment the child will have at mealtime, and the less they will eat.
It is possible to set boundaries with love by having a flexible plan around meal routines and the food offered.
Understanding and empathy (such as asking yourself if you would feel comfortable and calm in the child’s place, or what you would want done for you) in relation to children’s eating habits can help protect against feeding difficulties.
To learn more about the Division of Responsibility in practice, download BLW Meals app, available for Android and iOS!
References
1. Torres, T. O., Gomes, D. R., & Mattos, M. P. (2020). FACTORS ASSOCIATED WITH FOOD NEOPHOBIA IN CHILDREN: SYSTEMATIC REVIEW.
2. Ellyn Satter Institute: Raise a Healthy Child Who is a Joy to Feed. Retrieved March 2022.
3. Savage, J. S., Fisher, J. O., & Birch, L. L. (2007). Parental influence on eating behavior: conception to adolescence. The Journal of law, medicine & ethics : a journal of the American Society of Law, Medicine & Ethics, 35(1), 22–34.
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