3 Children’s Feeding Mistakes You Need to Stop Making

Discover the Top 3 Mistakes in Children’s Feeding That May Be Harming Your Child’s Relationship with Food

There are many common feeding mistakes that parents make without even realizing it. If you’re here reading, that means you’re ready to learn and make some changes!

This is an opportunity to reflect on your own relationship with food, reassess what you truly think about nutrition, and reconsider how you approach your child’s eating habits.

Children’s Feeding Mistakes to Avoid

 

1. Expecting children to practice moderation with some foods while requiring them to consume large portions of others.

What do we mean by this? Let’s examine a typical scenario: you expect your child to eat sweets in moderation, but want them to eagerly consume large portions of vegetables. This is something that many of us grew up with in our own households, so it’s only natural that we would continue this practice.

However, this belief overlooks an important concept: a child’s natural ability to self-regulate their intake.

Intuitive eating in toddlers

Until close to the age of two, children have a strong innate ability to regulate their nutritional intake. When offered a variety of nutritious foods, they select what their bodies need to support growth and development. Their natural cues for hunger, fullness, and nutrient balance guide their eating, reinforcing the foundation of intuitive eating.

There is a shift in this ability, however. Around age three, children start responding more to external influences rather than their internal hunger cues. A well-guided introduction to solid foods can help extend the period of self-regulation. However, each individual child will develop differently. While some kids will continue to self-regulate, others may be more susceptible to outside influence during mealtime.

How can you improve and ensure the external influences guide your child the right way?

The way we talk to children about food teaches them many things. Saying something like “You can only have dessert after finishing your meal” may unintentionally teach them:

 

• • That dessert is a reward.

• • That it’s okay to eat beyond their fullness.

• • That receiving a treat requires a complicated process.

• • That eating the meal is a strenuous activity
    
    
  • To eat foods in order to make caregivers happy
    
    
  • To ignore their fullness cues in the future

What can you do instead?

Work on changing the framework around sweets. Fostering a healthy relationship with food is essential (for you and for your child). Here are some strategies you can use:

 

• • Reframe how you talk about dessert—instead of “You can only have dessert after you eat,” try saying, “After dinner, you can have dessert” in a neutral and gentle tone. This removes the idea of a bribe and introduces a natural rhythm to eating.

• • Serve a small portion of dessert with the meal so it doesn’t become a forbidden, highly desired food —Seeing the dessert on the same plate as the meal equalizes its value.

• • Allow occasional free-choice eating—let your child eat as much dessert as they want one day and observe what happens. Chances are, they won’t overeat as much as you think they might.

Remember, parents and caregivers guide children’s eating habits.

2. Wishing your child would just stop asking for sweets

Desire is a fundamental aspect of human experience, extending far beyond food. It shapes our motivations, influences our choices, and guides us toward personal growth and fulfillment. In the context of childhood development, a child’s desires are a reflection of their individual preferences, interests, and needs. 

According to Francis & Birch (2005), “several studies…have provided evidence that maternal restriction of daughters’ intake of palatable snack foods promotes daughters’ overeating, particularly eating in the absence of hunger.”

A crucial concept here is validation. To validate a child’s desire is not to grant every request but to acknowledge and understand it. This approach fosters emotional security, strengthens communication, and helps children develop a healthy relationship with their own needs and limits.

How can you do this?

Bring in playfulness. Play is a major part of children’s learning and development. Embracing the whimsy of childhood is a great way to defuse a situation where you fear denying your child their desire will backfire and become a full-fledged tantrum.

Whenever we see the ice cream truck, my toddler asks for ice cream. With my children, I always find that responding sternly with “no, we are not getting ice cream” will lead to tears, complaints, and arguments. Instead of just saying “no”, I try validating their desire. I mean, it isn’t hard when you also think getting ice cream is a great idea.

Instead of a flat out “no”, I playfully invite conversation about ice cream.

“Wow, sweetheart, that would be great, right? Ice cream is delicious, but we have some other things to do right now. What flavor would you choose when we do decide to get ice cream? In a cup or a cone?”

We start chatting, and before we know it, we are able to navigate the concept of not getting ice cream—no fights, no tears, just a fun conversation and delicious ideas for the next time we go for ice cream. It can ebb and flow (some days she gives more pushback than others) however maintaining the boundary while still validating her desire to get ice cream is crucial.

When we respond harshly or dismissively to a child’s desire to stop and buy ice cream, we may unintentionally send the message that wanting ice cream is wrong. Over time, this can lead to feelings of guilt or even shame around wanting sweets.

From a behavioral perspective, boundaries play a key role in shaping a child’s relationship with food. A child who feels heard and understood is more likely to develop a balanced approach to sweets, rather than feeling the need to rebel against restrictions or overindulge when given the chance. Validating their feelings doesn’t mean always saying yes, though. What it does mean is that you are  acknowledging their desire, helping them understand it, and guiding them within healthy, consistent boundaries that are consistent with your family’s values.

3. Only serving what they like, yet expecting them to enjoy other foods

It’s important to recognize that individual food preferences vary. When they first start solids, children are generally more receptive to trying new foods, but as they grow, they begin to develop personal tastes and preferences. Exposure and repeated positive experiences can help expand their acceptance of different foods over time.

Additionally, consistently eating the same favorite dish can diminish its appeal. This is why a balanced, varied diet is so important.

This process also fosters resilience, as children learn to navigate their own appetites and preferences. Some days, they may only take a small bite of a new food. That’s a natural part of developing a healthy relationship with food.

The true measure of effectively navigating the feeding journey at this stage lies in the process itself. Focus on offering diverse, nutritious options and fostering a positive mealtime environment rather than solely on whether your child eats everything served.

So what can you do?

• Remember that your role as a caregiver is to offer a variety of foods. Whether your child accepts them or not is not your responsibility!
• Look into the division of responsibility in feeding to learn more about this approach.
• Check out BLW Meals app for more comprehensive guides on picky eating and mealtime behavior written by our team of experts. Click here for a 14-day new user free trial.

Which of these changes are you thinking of making? Let’s chat in the comments!

References:

Hughes SO, Frazier-Wood AC. Satiety and the Self-Regulation of Food Take in Children: a Potential Role for Gene-Environment Interplay. Curr Obes Rep. 2016 Mar;5(1):81-7. doi: 10.1007/s13679-016-0194-y. PMID: 26847550; PMCID: PMC4798905.

Francis, L. A., & Birch, L. L. (2005). Maternal influences on daughters’ restrained eating behavior. Health psychology : official journal of the Division of Health Psychology, American Psychological Association, 24(6), 548–554.

Scaglioni S, De Cosmi V, Ciappolino V, Parazzini F, Brambilla P, Agostoni C. Factors Influencing Children’s Eating Behaviours. Nutrients. 2018 May 31;10(6):706. doi: 10.3390/nu10060706. PMID: 29857549; PMCID: PMC6024598.